Thursday, March 28, 2013
Some might think that is an odd statement coming from a woman, but its true. I feel comfortable on stage. More to the point, I am happy when I am on stage. I enjoy the rush right before I step out in front of an audience and that silent moment during a steal when I know what is about to come. The gasp from the audience, the applause and the occasion outbursts if explicit language when the bird is suddenly revealed. All of it makes me feel complete and that I am right where I should be in life.
The creative process can sometimes take weeks or even years, but it brings me such satisfaction when I finally see new effects come to fruition on stage. The fact the I can come up with an idea, find the perfect song and costumes that carry through with the theme, decorate the props and get the lighting just right makes me feel proud, especially when my efforts are rewarded with applause. Bringing it all together through the editing process and creating a product that causes people to respond in a positive way is what drives me to perform magic. Who else but a magician has a job description that includes making the impossible into reality, live on stage?
As much as I love performing I hate auditions. They seem to have a way of sapping the joy I feel as a performer and turning it into nervousness, because often these auditions are for an audience of one, someone who has the ability to decide my fate. Ok! Maybe I’m giving up too much power in the situation, but I feel like I don't just want that person to like me, I want them to LOVE me. Love all my flaws and my quirks as well as my skills. I want them to see the joy I have for performing, yet that is often the first thing to leave me when I feel the scrutiny of judgement. If only I didn't care what that one person thought and only worried about being the entertainer I know I am, then maybe I wouldn't be so nervous. Magic is made for dreamers and being judged brings me back to reality.
Perhaps I need to change my focus and remember its the love and joy of magic that got me the audition.